You know whatttttttt? I paused when I added this picture, because it symbolizes so much. I was in a beautiful wedding in Canada, and the cocktail hour was near this wide and gorgeous field. I was trying to fix my dress while my friend was snapping away, and ironically, I loved this pic the most, the one that wasn't planned. Isn't this story of life? Understanding the beauty of the unknown? Being ok with knowing that not everything is planned? ( Tell that to Type A me haha) In that moment, which is rare, I actually did. I enjoyed the beauty of something unexpected and random.I remember vividly walking into the field envisioning what my wedding would look like, putting on my dress with my mother, celebrating with my friends, family, dancing with my husband and having Daddy walk me down the aisle. Physically I was there but mentally I was taking the energy from where I was to where I want to be. In this photo, I looked like a blooming rose coming out of a storm and that is really how I feel now, like I'm ready to come bloom out and embrace an area I tucked away for some time. Embracing the fullness to be open to love.
Can you date after experiencing loss or going through a rough transition? Initially I thought no, and maybe you are thinking that too. The only way to know is if you are challenged with it. Being in the pain I was in, I didn't see myself smiling on a date, getting ready, or even speaking without crying. The thought of it just seemed like something unattainable, until it was. While feeling like my worst and in my opinion not looking my best, I get approached by someone who was so enthralled by me. He consistently complimented my perfume, how beautiful I was and that was he was interested. Now....I'm shocked because I literally was crying 15 minutes before, I'm sure my face looked puffy, but he didn't care, somehow even with big shades on...he saw me.
He asked me out that same day, and thanks to therapy and support of my friend that I went. She literally had to be on FaceTime with me while I was getting ready because I was so scared, anxious, and resistant. To my surprise, I enjoyed getting ready. Being in the depressive state I was in, I haven't done that in some time. Here I am on the phone trying on different shades of lipstick, throwing on different dresses, music in the background, and spraying beautiful sweet fragrances. It was still a battle but, I still went and surprisingly... had a great time. We talked, laughed, shared funny stories, and I was present...like I was really not thinking about anything but what appetizer and drink I wanted to order. He was very heavy with compliments and he wasn't the only one. As I got up and walked to the restroom, I kept getting approached about my outfit, smile, perfume, and even my nails. It felt as if God wanted me to have this grand entrance of a return, even my date noticed and asked " does this happen all the time"? We laughed, but I embraced each second of it, it just felt like, I was me...again. In that moment, I wasn't as heavy with my grief, I was present and genuinely having a good time.
We went out a few times but over the course of dating, I knew that he wasn't the one for me. Even with knowing that, he's still very significant because he was the first romantic interaction I had post losing my father. He played a role in letting me know that I still can be Erica...I am Erica and I can laugh, get dressed, and have a good time. He showed me that I can still experience love even after loss. However, I would have NEVER known this if I didn't take a chance. I was so scared to try again and truthfully, I still have a bit of fear today. Going through a rough transition, I want to be vulnerable and I am guarded about getting hurt deeply, especially after still nursing a fresh deep emotional cut. However the hopeless romantic that is embedded within me, is trying to make a comeback. I have always been a girl deeply into romance. Disney movies, rom coms, R&B love music, love stories and ALL, and then that love emotion gets paused. I became a stranger to something I was so familiar with and it felt like I had romantic amnesia. I wasn't sure how I was going to get it back, but that's not my job. The only responsibility I have is to be open, believe, and embrace that great love is coming to me. The most amazing, authentic, beautiful, unconditional love is coming and it's going to be what I thought of and so much more.
And all of this will happen for you too. What I learned with this experience is that you won't know until you try. Of course do it all with your boundaries and when you feel ready. However, I do want to challenge you and myself to be more open without overthinking about it. Deep down I never gave up on love, I just had the space blocked by overpowering shade of despair. I always will and still want to be with someone who truly sees me, and love me because I'm simply...me. At this time, I'm doing the work to make space because I know this is something my father would want for me and what I want as well. He wants me to be filled with joy with my husband, and I want someone with the characteristics of my father. Someone who makes me feel safe, who listens and guards my heart. And guess what? It will happen! All of it! (heavy manifesting and positive reframing)
In the latest SOE episode, I discussed dating after experiencing loss. You can check it out on the savethegoodgirl podcast on your favorite music streaming platform or here. We are talking about the importance of taking the first step to date, and some tips that may help when looking to be open again to love. It's not the easiest to process when thinking about it, but it is a very different experience once you are in it. I am here to tell you that you can go on a date, look fly and actually have a good time. Being open is key! Love is always waiting for us and will come in right when we need it, whether we know it or not.
Love, thanks for always holding space for me, a space for us, even when we turned away. Thanks for showing your presence through my wonderful family and friends. Thanks for showing me that I need to learn how to fully love myself. Thanks for the reminder that I am enough and deserving of you. Thanks for sending the gentleman I dated to open me up to the confirmation of having you. Thanks for your patience and forgiveness. Thanks for showing me what love should be like by giving me Daddy. The first man who fully taught me what love is and what to expect ( I love you so much Daddy) Thanks for always letting me know that you are accessible and on the way. I know that this is not a one way street and my participation is needed. I'm ready...Love, I'm ready to see and be with you again.
Did you enjoy this post about being open to love?
Yes! I was inspired and ready to be open
Yes, still working on being open
A little bit, I still have some things I need to sort out
Not yet, my mindset isn't there, but I have a bit of hope
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